Expectations exist for all people; young, old, male, female. They exist on our own standards, societal standards and familiar standards. No matter where you turn, something is expected of you. Today, I'm going to hit on some expectations that involve all of that.
Expectations of self: As a trans man, I expect so much of myself that sometimes, I create unnecessary stress. I expect to be seen as a man and when I'm not, I feel like a bit of a failure. It stems from a softer, more feminine voice than a guy should have; having a round face and body, a more feminine looking face and body make it harder to "pass" as a guy.
Expectations from society: Along with having a feminine voice and body, I think society also expects me to fit into a mold that I cannot fit into. I may have been born with female chromosomes, but there is nothing in this world that could ever make me feel comfortable in this skin. I spent 19 years trying to make that happen. Society sometimes expects me, as a man, to be strong, know a lot about tools and cars, fight and love sports to the point that I bleed the teams colors. I can be strong, mentally and physically…but not all the time. I know enough about tools and cars to get by, but I'm certainly sub-par than a couple of my female friends who can put a carburetor together with their eyes closed. I'm not a fan of fighting, unless it's MMA or boxing and I don't bleed purple, black, white, crimson, cream, blue and orange all at the same time. I love sports, I'm a loyal fan to say the least, but I'm not about to punch somebody because their team kicked my teams ass. Expectations from society can be tricky as some people view me as a female and some view me as a male. Finding out how I am viewed is very important in how I respond and interact. Many guys don't want to be perceived as girly and sometimes, I do slip up and say something that most guys probably wouldn't say. It's usually not intentional, but it comes out from time to time. That's just a very fine line that I think someone walks their whole life until they learn to not care what society thinks. I, unfortunately, am not there yet…but I know I will someday get there.
Expectations from my family: I can't 100% say what expectations they have for me. Neither can they because it's so basic. Handle my shit, basically. Take care of myself, mentally, financially, emotionally and physically. Make sure I pay my bills on time and make sure I reach out when I need something, anything. Most of all, they expect me to be true to myself, be proud of who I am, and be a good person. We all know, especially my close friends, that I can be an ass at times and that can be overlooked, but as long as I'm not the jerk wearing five polos at a time, with every single collar popped while I wear two chains and pimp glasses, we'll be good.
Expectations are simply a part of life. The key is to find people who will support, respect, accept and encourage you. When you add those people to your innate comfort, confidence and accept your shortcomings, you are set to exceed expectations. Don't give up, don't back down.
