Where I've been though is an interesting journey. I've never really been shunned or lost that many friends. Not at the time, anyway. As an adult, yeah, it's happened. My high school reunion in 2015 was one where I was confronted by a couple of people who were, as I considered, friends in high school who simply "don't agree" with my "lifestyle." As if I decided this "style of living" is how I intended to live. I have always been transgender. I have always tried to be masculine. I have always been Colby. I have always been me. I just went by another name for over half my (current) life because I simply didn't have the knowledge to name what I was going through.
On December 14, 2016, I finally got in to see an endocrinologist and I got my prescription. That's right, I got my prescription for testosterone. It was an exhilarating and momentous day for me. However, thanks to insurance issues, my initial request was never processed. Instead of continually waiting, I found a pharmacy that doesn't take insurance period. Then, due to money, I had to wait until I could afford it. I was able to get a price quote over the phone, so I knew what I was walking into. I waited. For what felt like an lifetime. Finally. On a chilly Thursday morning, I picked up my very first prescription.
I was too excited to wait for it to be filmed, but I didn't complete the first injection so I did the last little bit and got that on video. I've included a link. I'm really going to push forward with my CoJaRi Productions and use that youtube channel for my further progression. The umbrella is important because even though it's me, it's something I want to be able to share with others who care, who want to be an ally, who are scared, who need guidance, who are curious. I welcome all forms of love and positivity. I also want to dream big. I want to reach people and show them that, even though it sucks right now and you don't feel you'll EVER get the shot or the surgery, it's possible.
I struggle. I'm afraid I won't get to have surgery for one reason or another. I want surgery. I NEED surgery. Having that is part of my identity and will be essential to me living authentically and justly. I will have it. I just have to keep pushing forward. Once upon a time, I didn't think I'd ever have my first shot. Today, I did.
Expectations for week one: I expect roid rage. It's a new chemical, it's increasing something I already have in my system, but it's new. I did decently well with the shot so I expect that with time, the process of pushing a needle in my body will become easier. Just gotta get there. I shaved so I can keep track of how my facial hair grows. I took pictures, too. I'm really trying to document this as best I can. Next week, a video of my shot and my update will be posted...I'll also have another set of expectations. Let's see where this roller coaster takes us!
