Privileges

As a trans man ... I don't even like that. "Trans man". I'm simply a man. Being transgender does't define what kind of man I am, my character does.
Being Colby, being the person I am, I haven't had the same privileges as my natural born male friends. You know...sneaking the first kiss, reaching for the hand first, asking my crush to prom, asking my crush to be my exclusive partner in crime... I didn't have those...rites of passage to go through growing up. Coming out as transgender after high school wasn't necessarily a disadvantage for me. It really didn't harm nor help. I would have been accepted, I believe, by my close friends and I think it would have made more sense as to my personality to others. But it didn't hinder me from having a semi-normal high school experience.
Am I disappointed that I didn't get to ask my crush to prom? That my (then) best friend (who was a guy) agreed to go with me because we were friends. I'm sure, on some subconscious level, he felt sorry for me. He could have gone to prom with anyone he wanted. Girls fawned over this guy for whatever reason. I even pretended to be head over heels so others would think I was "normal." But I still didn't get to ask my crush (or even attend) to prom. And honestly, I wouldn't have asked anyone to prom...it's the principle. It's the rite... It's the privilege.
It's not easy being a person in general. We all have our struggles and our flaws. But they can make us beautiful people. I am a much stronger and more beautiful person because of the journey I've been on so far. Being transgender does not define me. It simply means that there are many privileges and rites of passage I didn't get to experience. Most of them will never happen again and I'm coming to terms with that.
I've been granted many other rites of passages that most people won't experience. The first time I went into the men's bathroom and found out they really can be gross as hell. The first time I got called sir on the phone. Even if I was sick, I smiled for days. The first time a cisgender cowboy wanted to beat my ass for being in the men's bathroom. Getting my name changed and all the legal documents that now reflect my chosen name. And one of my favorites...the comradeship that has come from meeting, talking and knowing other guys in my position. They are guys I will forever love and cherish.
It's the little things that many people, cisgender or not, take for granted that men in my position cherish and want to experience. We may not get the chance and we have to accept that, or do something extraordinary to make it happen. I, for one, am willing to do the extraordinary to say that I did indeed ask my crush to prom. Not only that, but she said yes.