Support: Part Two

Watch my video on helping friends support you here.

I tried to make the second part of the series about support from friends and outside sources from your family. There are so many ways to support a trans person, so I kept it short and hit on the points that really made a difference for me...and that mattered.

1. Self educate yourself.
1. If you're trying to support someone (whether they be gay, bi, trans, cis, depressed, suffer from PTSD) the very best thing you can do is educate yourself. Use your tools: the internet, the library, groups. If you take the time to learn for yourself, your friend will see that you care about them and want to support them
2. Ask questions.
1. Asking questions means you have a general knowledge, but want to know how the situation affects your friend specifically. When someone asks me questions, I'm 9 times out of 10 very eager to answer them. Knowing that you are concerned enough to ask intelligent questions makes me trust you a little bit more and appreciate your friendship tenfold.
3. Have respect for privacy. And in general.
1. In the event that I'm asked a deeply personal question that I'm not ready to talk about, I will decline to answer. When I have an answer that I'm comfortable with sharing (sometimes that 'when' becomes an 'if') I will initiate the conversation again and provide that answer. If your question is just ridiculous and unnecessary, I'm going to chew you out for it. Don't be rude, don't be nosey. Have respect for me as a person and my privacy and I will respect you exactly the same. If you have a trans friend, specifically, be kind and refer to them as their identified gender. If you forget or can't handle switching the pronouns, just use their chosen name. I LOVE to hear my name, so I'm less bothered when my friends slip up because most of them slip in my name instead of "he" or "she". I LOVE YOU GUYS!
4. Don't assume you know everything.
1. You don't. If you've never suffered from PTSD, you don't know why triggers work the way they do or how a trigger even becomes a trigger. If you're into the opposite sex only, when you meet someone who is bi and likes both sexes, you may not understand how that is possible. When you assume, you just make an ass out of yourself because you're allowing yourself to look stupid more than ignorant of the facts.
5. Treat them the same.
1. If you treat someone different just because you find out their situation, you may need to reconsider why you're their friend. Losing friends sucks, but it's a fact of life. If someone you know is depressed and you start treating them different (in a negative manner), it doesn't help them any. If you're going to belittle them, make them feel like an outcast, then you need to move on with yourself and never come back. If you don't care enough about your friend to help them or treat them better than you were before, then you need to at least have respect and walk away before making them feel even worse about themselves.

That's really it. If you can do these five simple things, you will increase your value in somebody's life at least double. People sometimes lose family because of their situation. I have been fortunate to gain more friends and seen relationships strengthen and grow because of my ability to be open and honest. Also, because my friends have enough respect for me to at least try and use masculine pronouns, I have much more respect for them. You'd be so surprised what that tiny gesture can do to a person who is trans.