Lust and Love

This really isn't what I had in mind for posting, but it's something I already had typed up. Look, folks, I'm not an expert on anything, by any means. I'm lucky I can be considered a 'novice' on Guitar Hero. Love especially is not my forte. I'm happy to talk to you and listen and give what limited, biased advice I can give. But if you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

**DISCLAIMER**

While you may be a logical human being, I am more of an emotional human being. My thoughts may seem silly or frivolous, but I've managed to have one or two people love me for my silly thoughts (and because I'm a beast in bed). #DontJudgeMe

We all want to be loved. Right? It's a universal desire, it's embedded in our DNA somewhere, it has to be. We all want to experience the butterflies, the sweaty palms, the jumbled words that fly out of our mouth because we're so nervous, the bumping of foreheads when going in for the first kiss, the sickening cuteness that follows once the relationship is defined. Okay, so maybe we don't really want that, but we want the endorphins to flow like a waterfall and we want someone to be genuinely concerned for us, we want someone who knows that one text or call from them can change our entire day.

If you tell me you don't want that, fine. You're capable of writing love off all you want, apparently, and maybe you just have been burned too many times. But I assure you, when you find The One, your opinion on everything you've ever known and ever felt and ever wanted will change. People think that when "I" becomes "We", someone is losing their identity. Not necessarily. You can be with someone and say "we" as long as you still have "I" in your vocabulary.

"We saw that movie, it was pretty good."

"We ate there, the service sucked, but the food was amazing."

"We went there last year on vacation, we can't wait to go back!"

Those are perfectly normal comments to make. It shows that you and your SO enjoy things together, as a couple. Even yet, you can have different views.

"We looked at that car. I don't think it's my style, but she likes it."

"We went to the show last week. He absolutely hated it. I thought it was amazing!"

"We want to adopt a pet, but I want a dog and she wants a bird."

There's nothing wrong with any of that! You're thinking for yourself and that matters a lot. What also matters is who you are when you're alone and who you are when you're in a group together. You should be the same person. If you're someone else, there might be a problem. But is it you, them or the friends you're with?

You need your friends, your SO needs their friends, and you can share friends. Just be careful of the friend who is "too friendly". I'm not possessive, even though I've been tagged as such. I truly don't care who you text, who you talk to, who you spend your time with…to an extent. If they're a shady character who sends you inappropriate texts or flirts with you in front of me or makes me go on the defensive because of their inappropriate comments, we have some things to discuss. Or the friend who doesn't like me so they get pouty and it's a fight for your attention. I love you, but I'm not going to fight for your attention. I'll concede and let them have your attention. I know who you're going home with at the end of the night.

I'm quite aware that nobody wants to get into my pants and I think I'm alright with my situation. Nobody needs to be in my pants, especially without a belt. That doesn't take away from the fact that I am a hopeless romantic who can tend to be on the jealous side. Is that the Taurus in me? Eh…who's to say. Maybe it's a personality flaw. But it makes me who I am, right? Or am I just a prick who really is possessive under all my sincere concern?

These are things to consider when entering a relationship. Can you (and do you) think for yourself when this person is around? Do you get jealous or possessive on a consistent basis? (If you do, why?) Can you communicate honestly and openly? Can you compromise? If you say "yes" to most of these, I think you'll be alright.

When you find The One, you know. It's in the way they kiss you, the way your whole body is immediately electrified when you see them and how you strip them naked within the first 3 seconds of getting them in the house. Lust and Love are different things. Lust, it fades. It may come back, but it's never the same. It's like that AT&T commercial that I can't stand. "You want more, and you just want more because there's less so you want more and more and your parents won't give you more so you want more." Bane of my existence. But that's lust - you just want more and more, without concern for the other person. Love is a whole creature its own.

Love takes a lot of work and a lot of sweat and a lot of time. If love is easy, if you are complacent, are you in love anymore? When you love someone, you're going to argue with them and you're going to have to compromise. You're going to have to make hard decisions as a couple and as individuals. Love, sometimes, requires a fight…just to make sure that you're still in it. But don't push your luck, or you're going to push the love away and it will be replaced with silence and resentment. And neither of those feel good. For either party.

When you are willing to pass up game night with the gang to cuddle on the couch with your girl or are willing to order wings and a pizza for the game and watch it with your guy (and actually cheer and participate), then you're in love. When you wake up every morning, feel the bed next to you hoping they're there, you're in probably love. When you go to bed without them, but you stay awake texting them until you break your nose from dropping your phone on your face too many times, you're probably in love.

Love is different for each person. It's finding someone who has a similar idea of love that keeps you together. When you can see into the future and you see the two of you sitting on the porch, drinking your iced tea and lemonade, rocking in your rocking chairs, holding hands…congratulations. You're in love.